Chocolate Puns – part of the ‘Pun Together’ series

I have been asked by several people to publish the list of superb puns that I had on my radio show this week. So here goes! the topic was chocolate bars and space. See if you can count them all – there should be 17!


The UK Space Agency recently issues a statement about their efforts to put a man on the moon by 2025. In it they said that due to short fall in funding, they would not be able to make it alone and would have to seek alternative sources of funding from external companies.

This has already raised the question about a suitable partner for the mission. Many people think that as the Agency are based near Birmingham then one of the local confectionery companies would be ideal. On this, Cadbury have issued a joint statement with Nestlé to back the idea. Spokesman Hugh Jnockers has said that chocolate and space go hand in hand…even though neither have hands.

No Lactose Intolerance here….

Luckily transcripts of the meetings between

the choco-barons and the UKSA have come to light:“Well”, said John Denver (no not that one) from Cadbury, “we see no reason why we should be limited to just the moon as we are funding this mission”

“I agree” said Fred Flange from the UKSA, “we nee to think bigger. Maybe Mars or even going beyond our galaxy, the Milky Way”

“Yes that would be good. How much boost would the rocket require to get that far?”“Oh not much, Twirl-only be about 3000 tonnes of thrust”

“Wow, that’s quite a lot! How do we keep it on a straight lion with that much power? We wouldn’t want it going all curly-wurly!”

“Boosters, much like an aero plane. One second, I’m quite thirsty during all this talking, would you like a drink? Can you take dairy?”

“Milk? Yeh go on then. I don’t usually have milk this early, not normally till after eight but I fancy some now”

Fred went to the fridge to get some milk, but as he removed the bottle he dropped it sending milk all over the floor. This caused the big science man to start crying uncontrollably.

John looked over “Oh, you know there is no use crying over spilt milk Fred”

“D’oh! I forgot John, thanks for reminding me. I should probably take a time out then, maybe have some fruit and nuts?”

“That’s an odd mix Fred!”

“I know, it’s because I used to eat the food they hand out at the shopping centres, you know the little taster things?”

“Oh the Mall Teaasers? Yeh I know them! Should we get back to the space mission discussion?”

“Good point John! what about working out some sort of inventory?”

“Ok, well we will need transport so a car, a mac in case it rains..”

“Woah! It doesn’t rain in space John!”

Just then the Middle Eastern porter arrived with lots of delicious drinks and food for the two men

“Ah” whispered Fred “It’s Mo, don’t say anything about the speech impediment” He turns to Mo “Hi Mo! John, meet Mo, he is Turkish!”

“Delightful to meet you! Thank you for all the food” Just then John noticed the magic wand in Mo’s pocket. “What is that for Mo?”

“Well, John, it’s for my magic show so I can do twicks”

Exciting news from the world of science!


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